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June 26, 2009

BENCH SITTIN' — The art of an apology

By Randy Cowling, Managing Editor

June 26, 2009 — Have we lost the ability to tell others we are sorry for offending them or letting them down?

In recent months there have been a barrage of public and painful apologies by political and business figures. As each of the fallen steps before a bevy of microphones and television cameras, their approach to making amends looks similar.

In all but one of the recent confessions the “caught with their pants down” politicians have brought along their wives to witness their confession and humiliation.

Chris Matthews of MSNBC’s Hardball said any politician who drags their wife along for the event shows very little class. I would wholeheartedly agree.

Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho, Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, Sen. David Vitter of Louisiana, Gov. Eliot Spitzer of New York all brought their spouses to the press conference where they said they were sorry.

This week it was a bizarre conclusion to the mystery of “Where in the World was Gov. Mark Sanford?” The South Carolina governor took off for parts unknown following the end of the legislative session.

He told his staff he was going hiking along the Appalachian Trail and would be unavailable by phone. He told his wife nothing.

This was quite strange since his trip left him apart from his four sons on Father’s Day. South Carolina politicians weren’t totally surprised by Sanford’s erratic behavior. He had ditched his security detail on several occasions, only to return to business.

This time Sanford got caught by newspaper reporters from The State. They had uncovered Sanford was carrying on an affair with a woman in Argentina. They had copies of his gushy e-mails between the couple. One of their reporters intercepted him at the Atlanta airport as he returned from his final South American soiree.

The next day, Sanford called a press conference and admitted to the affair and apologized. To his credit he did NOT bring his wife. But he did break every rule of making a public apology. He rambled on and on, making the event more agonizing for everyone involved.

An apology should include some key ingredients — sincere contrition, an offer of restitution, a willingness to repair whatever relationship that was broken, a request of forgiveness and full admittance of the wrong committed.

For those making public apologies — tell what you did, say your are sorry and get off the stage. Trying to overexplain tends to diminish the sincerity of anything you might say.

Public apologies are becoming a standard communication package that politicians carry around in their pocket for whenever they get caught.

In Sanford’s case, he did look vulnerable and sincere, but South Carolina voters are likely not to trust him for a long time. Fortunately, he has less than a year left in office.

Everyone needs to learn from these events.

The words of Robert Fulgham’s “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” is quite appropriate.

“These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.”

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